I’m still here.

Forgive me readers for I have sinned. It has been 6 months since my last update.

UPDATE: I’m still fat.

That sucks, but no worries. I’m still not a quitter.

I am trying to get back into a regular workout routine and that is hard. When you’re doing it, it feels natural. When you’re not, it feels like you never should. Right now every excuse sounds like a good excuse to not workout.

Examples:

“I’m on my period.”

“It’s raining outside.”

“The sun is out.”

“Today is Thursday.”

Lately any of these would work, but like I said earlier, I am not a quitter.

I come back to this blog to remind myself of why I’m doing this. I read my older posts to remember things I have accomplished, and the way that it made me feel. Right now I don’t feel like I’ve done anything, but I can look back and know that’s not true.

This journey is not for the weak, so I must be strong.

This Isn’t Easy

I have been absent from my blog for a few months. No, I haven’t been working out. I’ve been taking it easy. It sucks because I could be further along, but I think I needed a mental rest.

A conscious decision to lose weight requires significant changes in lifestyle. I find it to be challenging at times, because I’m battling habits and attitudes that have been established over an extended period of time. A lot of things I do, I didn’t even realize I was doing. Now that I’m aware, I can make changes, but that doesn’t happen over night.

I know that what happens from here on out boils down to the life I want to live.

I want to be healthy.

I want to be happy.

I may get tired of doing the right thing sometimes, but I’m not going to quit.

It feels good when I workout and notice myself having more energy and getting faster and stronger.

I like being able to kinda jog and swim.

I took a break to regroup, but I’m not undone.

My journey continues and I’m ready.

Love Yourself in Every Size

I think I’ve said this before, but I will say it again.

For me, one of the hardest parts about being overweight is that everyone else can see it.

No matter where you go, your weight goes with you. You can’t hide it. It changes the way that people respond to you and it can change the way that you see yourself.

 I was in the tenth grade the first time I felt overweight. I overheard a boy make a comment to a girl in our class about how I was fat and ugly.

I didn’t care that he thought I was ugly because I knew that beauty wasn’t everything, but I had no idea that anyone thought I was fat. I knew what fat looked like to me, and in my mind I did not fit that profile.

I think that’s the day that I started to change the way that I dressed.

I stopped wearing anything that remotely fit. Sleeveless shirts were only worn under shirts with sleeves. It may have been 100 degrees outside, but I was not going to wear a pair of shorts. I had fallen out of love with my body.

Fast forward a lot of years and not much had changed.

and then Independence Day came…

July 4th 2014, was the first day in years that I wore a sleeveless shirt outside of my house. I had not planned to. I wanted to wear a cardigan with it, but the cardigan I had didn’t match.

I went out to breakfast and amazingly, while I felt completely naked, no one else seemed to notice. Everyone got their food and no one stared. I felt alive.

So what happens now?

I become an exhibitionist! I stroll around naked! Nah, just kidding.

I’m still fat, but now I can wear sleeveless shirts!

I am learning to love me in every size.

If someone was to stare at my lovely stretch marks on my arms I would be okay with that. That would mean I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and I couldn’t do that before.

I’m smiling right now because I’m still on this journey, and it’s a good one.

First Freakout Moment

I was not prepared.

I’ve been working out, eating somewhat healthy, and weighing myself, but still I was not prepared for what happened.

Back in December I purchased a bridesmaid’s dress for a wedding this October. I ordered the dress online in my size without much thought. When the dress came in apparently, (by apparently I mean that I thought I had tried it on) I put it on a hanger and waited until March to try it on. 

It did not fit.

I couldn’t suck, stretch, or wiggle enough to get that zipper up.

Nope. Not happening.

Normally this would have freaked me out, but I spoke with the bride and she said that another woman in the wedding party had the same problem. Apparently these dresses are almost two sizes smaller than what they say they are. In an effort to not be too hard on myself I simply decided that I would purchase the dress again.

Fast forward to Monday. I had the day off from work and decided I would get measured for the dress and place my order online again. I made my list for my errands that day and something in my head said try the dress on again. I was not in the mood to be disappointed, but I figured I might as well do it because I believe in miracles.

It fit.

I mean it’s snug and I probably shouldn’t fart in it, but I got it zipped up and everything.

So this is where the freakout started…

Losing weight is a head trip. I started crying. I’m still not exactly sure why, but I was beside myself. I was standing in the mirror looking at myself in the dress that I couldn’t wear months earlier and I was in utter disbelief. I called my mom because I didn’t know what to do and she told me to take pictures and be happy.

So I am.

Losing weight is saving me money and my life. This little victory has given me a glimpse of what I am capable of and it’s scary.

Whoa. I wasn’t planning to type that, but I think that’s the root of what I was feeling. Fear.

I need to go into this further but not right now. Right now I just want to share this milestone with you all and say thanks. Thank you for pushing me and thank you for reading. 

My journey continues…

3 Things That Help Me Stay On Track

I continue to make progress but on days that I feel weak I find these three things are a big motivator:

1. My pedometer-  I love being able to see how much or how little I have moved.

2. My scale- This is the first time in my life that I have owned a scale. I don’t dwell on the numbers, but they do keep me accountable to myself.

3. My friends- When I don’t feel like working out my friends push me to keep going. I have friends that I routinely work out with and it’s great. We chat and we burn calories at the same time.

I know that for me losing weight has been about making changes. I cook different foods, try new physical activities, and really change the way that I think about things. I’m not always consistent, but I continue to keep working because this is making me feel better. I think I’m starting to understand why losing weight is truly an inside and outside process. You have to know on the inside that you deserve to be healthy. This isn’t a speedy, or easy process but I get it. My voyage continues. Best wishes on yours.

 

Must Keep Moving: Update on my weightloss journey

I have discovered that the “Voyage to Skinnydom” is made with a lot of small steps. I am not close to completing this journey, but I am in better shape than I have ever been in my adult life. If someone had told me last year that I would be walking regularly or swimming once a week I would have laughed. If someone had told me that I would even attempt to jog I would have thought they were insulting me.

Thank God that people change.

I am constantly reminding myself that weight loss doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process composed of little choices. I have decided to work out and I have decided to believe that I can do this. I continue to be amazed by the support that people have given me, and I know now that I’m not doing this alone.

I don’t update as much as I should, but please know that it’s because I’m so busy keeping my body in motion. I’m still on my journey, but I’m lighter and happier than I was when I started!

The voyage continues…

Weight Loss Check-In

I have lost a few more pounds. YAY!

I haven’t been updating as much. BOO!

I’ve been really focused on trying to get more activity into my day. It’s working but it doesn’t take the place of any workouts. The cool thing about walking more at work is that it makes it easier to walk more outside of work. Who knew? 

I’m seeing slow progress, but I’ll take it!

Maybe I’ll be running soon! (That was a joke.)

Thank you for reading. Leave some motivation in the comment section if you can. It goes a long way!

Meh.

Today I was hungry.

I ate a bag of salad at lunch and a chicken breast.

I was not full.

I was simply meh.

I hate it when I eat and I don’t like my meal. Perhaps my emotions are too attached to my eating habits, but as of right now, this is where I’m at. Eating the right food doesn’t always make me feel good, but I know that it’s good for me. I owe it to myself to keep eating salads and maybe someday soon I will actually look forward to them.

Until then…meh.

Quick Update

  1. I am still struggling to make healthy eating choices, but I am getting my workout in consistently. This is AWESOME!
  2. I have not rescheduled with the weight loss doctor. I feel like I need to lose a few pounds before I can show my face. I don’t think that is how our relationship is supposed to work, but I’m paying so I think I get to make some of the rules. Lol!
  3. The Fitbit Force is a nifty little device. I like the way it makes working out and being fit feel more like some sort of adventure. I’m really excited when I hit the 10,000 step goal and it vibrates on my wrist. I also think the sleep tracker is interesting. I’m not sure how to use the information, but one day it will be there if I need it.  If I’m being honest I have no idea how it compares to similar devices because it was the first device of its kind that I heard about, but I like it.

What have you been up to? Leave a comment below. Thanks for reading!

No blogging= No weight loss

I cancelled my appointment with the weight loss doctor today.

It’s not that I’ve met my goals, but that I don’t want my doctor to see me and know that I haven’t been following the plan.

I mean, I really let myself go. While everyone else was getting excited about resolutions and new weight loss goals, I was debating between eating fortune cookies or chocolate chip cookies. It’s stupid because I honestly love fortune cookies way more than chocolate chip cookies, but that’s not the point. I went from “get thee behind me” to “get in my belly”. That is not where I want to be.

So, I guess it’s time for me to stop whining and get focused again. I was doing so well and I know that I deserve this.  I knew that losing weight was not going to be easy, but I didn’t realize how much mental and emotional energy went into it. Who knew? I do now.

I’m going to keep blogging in the hopes that this will help someone else out and I’m going to keep reading other blogs because you all inspire me. These past few weeks have been a setback, but not a defeat. I WILL meet my goals and I WILL blog about it! I will also reschedule that appointment… in a few weeks… and tell my doctor all about it too!

SN: I know this was kinda random and a little wordy but thanks for reading and leaving comments when you can. It helps!